Driving to work today I drove down 8th Ave. From 8th if you take a left on Fox St you'll be at the house Aric and I bought together June 20th, 2003. I lost my shit. This grief man, it comes in waves, I felt almost normal yesterday but raw again today.
740 Fox St
It was build a duplex in 1900. Someone along the way cut doors in the walls in the front living spaces and back rooms to make it one circular dwelling. A white picket fence! I loved that it had a white picket fence.
There were 2 front doors though and the door on the right was my massage office. It was really perfect having a dedicated space with it's own entrance for my bodywork practice that was beautiful. Bright light, faux fire place and ceiling fans. I got ones with fan blades like leaves so it had an island vibe. I painted it a sweet yellow. I had a fountain and a seating space. It a really lovely happy big space.
The other door went into our living room/dining room. The fireplace on this side was different. It had green tiles and at one point I painted it red around the tiles. One day when I was sitting on the ground stretching and a black spider started charging right for me. (sidenote: Aric never killed spiders. He always said that if he got into trouble all the spiders would come save him.) This spider was coming right for me and I was scared. I killed it. It was a black widow. I saved it in a glass to show Aric. I had it in a glass until I moved out.
Aric wasn't good at taking care of himself. I on the other hand am a nurturer. He didn't keep normal hours, drank and smoked and rarely met an illicit substance that didn't peak his interest. I would get him to brush his teeth and remember to eat. I'd sometimes wake up in the morning and find him passed out over his keyboard, Moog or Apple. He was a graphic artist, made Drum & Base music and started Destroyer internet radio project. (He said he made an album for me, but he never gave it to me. His DJ name was Crown. I tried to look up his music online and only found it on a Russian site and I couldn't figure out buying it. I did find THIS SONG.) We created the Drama Triangle because we didn't know any better. I didn't learn about that until therapy.
I don't have too many pictures from this time because well I don't. Things were up and down. Cellphone camera's weren't really a thing and I wasn't on any social media. Aric probably had Myspace but it wasn't really a thing yet. There have to be some out there somewhere. . . I found some discs from walgreens but my computer won't read them.
NYE on the porch
I drive by that turn every week on the way to work. Today though I thought about this message Aric sent me last year:
That time still exists. I thought of us happy there with our white picket fence as I drove by and I couldn't hold it together. Those us's that were best friends are there. That love still exists. Now and always. That unconditional love. I keep crying. I'm crying again now.
I got it together for work. Except for when this song came on
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