Nov. 9th 2005

Asshole Warning signs

1.  False Representation

Possibly false, altered or old photos, ideas or words.

2.  Always says the perfect thing

Must have the perfect action to back up perfect statement.  As you know actions speak louder than words.  Also, you’ve heard the saying too good to be true, well, it is.

3.  Known Enemies or Adversaries

“But they are so nice, this person must have it wrong.”  They don’t, they know, do you really need to see why.  That’s what I thought.

4.  Poor Tipping

Anyone who has any sense of anything will know, YOU HAVE TO TIP WELL.  Servers make like $2 an hour.  Even if you drank more than you can afford, does not mean that they don’t deserve a good tip.

5.  Unsavory living situation

This may be a crack head roommate or no home to lay their head (except yours).  Yeah, may be beautiful, may all so be an asshole.

6.  Too Cool

This list is long.  Faux musician/artist.  Feigns self-destruction and champions positivity.  Possible defunct scenester/hipster.  Too stylish (see #7)

7.  Frequent Public Vanity

As in frequent lip product application, glances in mirror, hair fixing.  Reveals this beauty is only skin deep.

8.  Rationalizing morally or ethically reprehensible behavior

Need I say more?

9.  Poor Handshake

I know I’m not the only one who has learned about and experienced the negative effect of the cold dead fish.  Do not trust someone with a bad handshake, it is gross and it is wrong.

10.  Complement Fishing

They are the coolest, yet they ask for more??  Fishing is not necessary.

Failure to Pay Attention to these signs will result in:

~Nightmares/loss of sleep

~Losing sense of integrity

~Lies

~CRYING

~Deprecated self-image

~Unanswered phone calls (how many songs have been written about these beautiful assholes)

~Loss of trust

~Heart ache

~Possible actual physical pain

~Guaranteed emotional pain

~Need for vengeance and revenge

~Getting fucked over