ego notes

You can tell when the ego is trying to lead (rather than the True Will) when there are annoying thought tape loops in the foreground of consciousness — But what if I do this?, but what if this happens?, but what if that happens? The ego-led mind keeps ricocheting back and forth like an overheated ping-pong match. When the ego and mind work together without the leadership of global intuition you get this sense of restless strain and anxious effort. Another way to tell that the ego is leading is when you are caught up in any of the following gerunds: fearing, hoping, dreading, desiring, wanting, wishing, doubting, pre-structuring, envying, supervising, lifeguarding, complaining, comparing, self- pitying, pleasure-seeking, self-aggrandizing and glorifying, indulging, anticipating, expecting, contriving, hedging, clinging, identifying, rationalizing, pushing, straining, and imagining negative possibilities. This list should give an idea of how much of the time the ego is seeking to dominate our process. Each of the gerunds is a function of doubt, the supervisory ego does not accept that the universe is unfolding as it should and is straining like a white-knuckled driver to wrest control. When you are following the Tao you can sense yourself in congruent alignment with your path, which may still have difficulties, but you know from the depths of your being that you are on the path. The ego wants to push for progress, and wants to clear up ambiguous and ambivalent situations by making some permanent, decisive choice. The way of Tao is to accept that you are in a state of ambiguity and ambivalence and wait in non-action until things become clear before going forward.