change

so change is the constant of life. . . some changes force growth and you get growing pains. this has been a crazy time of my life. i am on a roller coaster. maybe i should go on a roller coaster tomorrow. . . it's my birthday. 32 years i have been walking and breathing on this planet.

i have created a few things, nothing blog ready yet. i did do a friendship bracelet sort of strap with a shell to hold my pant leg on my bike. it matched my outfit, it was rad.

in the last 3 weeks i have watched all the episodes of my so called life streaming on netflix. it took me back. it's been like 16 years since i watched those. . . when i was 16. that's crazy. . . i don't feel that old! i guess i kind of do when i take palmer to the pool and there are 17 year old life guards! that show had such great writing and it resonates with me on a very deep level. i wish i would have written more during that time of my life so i could remember. it was stressful too. i just moved here from oregon. i had had the same friends almost my whole life and there i was in a school that had the same population as the town i was from! it was a culture shock. there were so many kids i would walk in the halls against the wall head down, even when there were no kids in the hall! one day, i was walking down the hall with the bathroom pass walking with my head down and a baseball player who was pretty cute and a year older than me said, "what are you doing? why are you walking like that? walk out in the middle with your head up! push people out of the way!" and he showed me how. head up, chest out, strutting down the hall. i wasn't even aware of how i had been walking and just now thinking about why.

why was i? i was scared. why was i scared? it was new. i was unsure. i was unconfident. i did make friends and i did start to walk different. leaning on the wall maybe isn't the greatest support.

so now, for my birthday resolutions (it is a new year for me after all), i should add to this list. . . 32 before 33!
1. let go of the things i don't need
2. meditate daily
3. practice self care
4. clearly define and start expressing the vision for my business
5. get organized
6. make a piece of clothing
7. do four 10 day fasts
8. ride bikes as much as possible
9. ride a horse
10. visit seattle
11. go somewhere i've never been before (palm beach for josh's wedding?)
12. practice crafts
13. volunteer
14. get some tattoos. . . (i have at least 4 in my head right now)
15. grow what i can where i'm at
16. work on that children's book idea i have
17. be present with palmer
18. practice yoga regularly
19. yoga teacher training
20. study for GRE
21. take pictures in commerce city (show?)
22. study art with lee rose
23. study massage with melanie russell
24. journal regularly
25. write more letters
26. sing and dance regularly
27. keep up spiritual practice and study
28. save money
29. eat as mindfully as possible
30. be as authentic and honest as possible
31. be as kind as possible
32. SLEEP MORE. . .

ok i'm done. . . off to bed. . . i'm tired

love to my buddies who read this! xo

my art space

my new space is coming together. . .

collage in my bedroom

i've got an art space now! i've been dreaming of having an art desk for years. i got one and it perfectly matches my book shelf. i didn't realize i had so many art related books. let's see what i can create now. . .

transformation

so i have been seeing a lot of dragonflies, like everywhere i look everyday i see one or two or three even once four. literally every day for the last few weeks i've been seeing dragonflies. this morning as i was leaving for work on the ground on my stoop were 4 dragonfly wings. . . what are they telling me? among other things:

Dragonfly embodies a stripping away of all the beliefs that say we cannot do this or that, achieve a dream or goal, it is to remind us that anything is possible when we really get the understanding that we are part of Spirit and as such we have the power to manifest anything that we desire. (i now have a place to practice massage & an art space)

Dragonfly is the keeper of dreams, the knower within that sees all of our true potential and ability. Dragonfly strips away the illusions that say to us we cannot achieve our dreams and goals, that we are not worthy or capable when in fact it is our birthright and our true power to create anything we choose!

Once the Dragonfly has emerged as a winged adult, it conquers the air through its swift flight. This indicates that working with Dragonfly energy may also help you come to some swift conclusions or new insights that help propel you into new ways of being and doing. Certainly it is a most important time for seeing through illusions and really hearing the messages that the Universe is sending you at this time. Beliefs that centre on powerlessness, limitation or fear are likely to be up for review and release. You always have the power to choose what you are going to believe in and focus on You always have the power to take action of some sort that will help change your current circumstances for the better. Working with Dragonfly medicine shows that you are ready to step beyond the mass thought of blaming "something out there" for your problems and instead are now getting down to the business of accepting responsibility for what happens in your life by making the appropriate changes as you feel guided.

When Dragonfly appears be ready for transformation! This is a long cycle that can take up to 2 years or more and yet the work and effort are well worth it in the end. At times you may feel like you are firewalking your way through life (Dragonflies are really mini Dragons after all!) and yet what is emerging from within you is a sense of your own inner power and faith in a Higher Power that no one can ever take from you! You are in the process of coming to know and understand who you truly are, of connecting with the vast source of power and energy that was given to you by Spirit at the time your Soul came into being. This power has grown within you as you have journeyed through space and time. Now is the time for it to be claimed as your own so you may step forth renewed as the powerful Soul that you came to this earthwalk to express!

more here

infidel

i just finished this book, it's a biography of ayaan hirsi ali's life. it was amazing i could barely put it down. it also really shines a light on islam in such a personal way. i am definitely glad we can have an open discussion about religion in this country without fear of our safety and women aren't treated so oppressively, honor killed and excised! how horrible. . . she is an amazing woman, highly suggest it!